


Luke Skywalker and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

by orphan_account



Series: Per aspera, ad astra [3]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Humor, M/M, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, here it is, just like.. dumb fluff and humor, please enjoy these idiots, roguejedi, the shovel talk fic I've been promising, warning for general idiocy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 07:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9538460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the one where Luke Skywalker gets the shovel talk (twice)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for this idea go to a tumblr anon who sent the prompt "Luke's friends all plan to give Bodhi the "If you hurt my friend, I'll hurt you" talk. Only every time they go to do it, Bodhi looks at them with his big soft eyes and they just go "never mind" because how could this sweetie ever think of hurting anyone?"
> 
> Here we go.

“Hey Luke! You alright?” Wedge called out. The young Jedi was was pale in the face and visibly shaken.

Luke looked up at his friend. “Yeah…” he said distractedly, “I just ran into Jyn a few minutes ago and it was… honestly a terrifying experience.”

By this point, Hobbie and Janson had come over to see what was going on. Wedge raised a questioning eyebrow at Luke, who plopped down on a nearby crate in the hangar.

“Jyn and I have always gotten along, well at least I thought we did,” he started, “but on my way here she walked up and cornered me and was acting really threatening for some reason. She was being weird about me dating Bodhi, making promises of what she would do if I ever hurt him. I think she said something along the lines of ‘I don’t give a kriff if you’re a Jedi Knight, I can still end you.’”

Hobbie let out a laugh, but Luke didn’t seem amused.

“Cassian was with her too, but he didn’t say anything,” Luke added, “He just stood off to the side and opened his jacket slightly so that I could see his blaster.” Luke shivered.

Both Hobbie and Janson were laughing by now, but Wedge seemed annoyed.

“That’s not right of them to mess with you like that. I’m sorry about that, Luke.”

Han Solo was strolling across the hangar in their direction.

“What’s going on over here? Why does Luke look like someone just told him he has to give Jabba the Hutt a back massage?” He stopped near Luke and rested one hand on his shoulder. “Seriously kid, are you alright?”

Luke looked sheepishly up at him. “Yeah, Han, don’t worry about it.”

Wedge broke in. “Luke was just confronted by Jyn and Cassian who scared him half to death with threats of what they’ll do if he ever hurts Bodhi.”

Han molded his expression into one of indignation, although his eyes twinkled with amusement.

“Those good-for-nothing moof-milkers. Don’t they know that no one threatens my friends except for me?”

Luke ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Oh, don’t worry about it, I’ll be alright. They’re just looking out for their friend and I can’t blame them for that.”

“Oh yeah?” Han growled, “Well I’d love to see how they’d react if we pulled the same number on their precious pilot.”

Luke stood up and regained his usual cheerful composure. “Seriously guys, it was nothing. Anyway, I promised Leia I’d meet her for lunch, so I better go now or else I’ll be late. I’ve already been yelled at by one woman on this base today and I don’t exactly want to anger another.” And with that he walked off away from the hangar. Hobbie and Janson called out goodbye and then walked away as well.

“You know, Han, maybe that isn’t such a bad idea.” Wedge said, looking at the smuggler.

“What’re you thinking?” he replied with a smirk.

“Well, just that if Jyn and Cassian think they can bully our friend, there’s no reason we can’t do the same to theirs…”

Han barked a dry laugh. “I like the sound of that. After all, fair is fair. And I can be _quite_ intimidating when I feel like it.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey goggles!”

Bodhi looked away from the circuit he was fixing on his X-wing and up at Han Solo towering above him. Beside him was Wedge Antilles, the second-in-command of Rogue Squadron.  Bodhi hadn’t known either of them for that long, but they were both good friends with Luke, and so Bodhi figured they had to be nice enough.

“Hi Han, do you need something?”

“Yeah, we need to talk with you for a minute.” Han moved closer, looming imposingly over the other man.

“Ok, sure!” Bodhi said, getting to his feet. “What was it you guys wanted to talk about?”

Han looked at the smaller man who was looking back at him with wide, brown eyes and nothing but innocent cheerfulness in his expression. He cast a glance sideways towards Wedge, who returned the same look of _What in kriff’s sake are we doing here._

Han cleared his throat. “Umm, we just wanted to drop in and tell you again how glad we all are to have you here.” he said awkwardly.

“Yeah, and let you know how much of an important asset you’ve been for the Rebellion. I’m really looking forward to flying with you soon.” Wedge added.

Bodhi’s eyes lit up and a big grin spread across his face.

“Thanks you guys, I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me!” He beamed. “It’s been a little tough you know, being here as an Imperial defector and all. Some people haven’t been as quick to trust me, but you guys have made me feel so welcome and I’m so grateful for that. Luke definitely has good judgement choosing his friends.”

Han and Wedge looked at each other awkwardly, not sure what to do next.

“Well, we’re all glad you two kids are together. You seem to make each other real happy.” Han said.

Bodhi blushed slightly. “Yeah, Luke is a really special person.” he said shyly.

“Anyway, it was good to see you, Bodhi. Catch you around soon!” Wedge said as he ushered Han alongside him towards the door.

“See you, Wedge! Bye Han!” Bodhi called out.

Once outside, the two men looked at each other and grimaced.

 

“What the hell were we thinking.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late when Wedge and Han finally saw Luke again.

“Oh hey guys!” he waved and walked over in their direction.

“What’s up?” he asked after noticing the serious look on both of their faces.

Wedge took a deep breath.

“Luke, you’re our friend and we love you, but if you ever do anything to hurt Bodhi Rook, we _will_ end you.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was honestly way too fun to write. I hope you all liked the stupid Jabba comment that I couldn't resist inserting. Leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed!


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